"Going natural" seems to be something everyone wants to do now. I’ve been natural for almost 11 months and this is definitely not my first time giving it a try. The first time I chose to go natural I lasted for about 3 months. I fell into peer pressure and went to get perm and HATED it. My hair was so thin and short after I got my perm that I decided to wear weaves for a while. I started wearing sew-ins, quick weaves, half wigs..you name it I wore it.
Who would have thought that this would be the start of my natural hair journey that I am now on?! I wore weaves for about a year straight occasionally getting perms. I finally figured that since my hair was going to be hidden underneath my weave why not let my natural hair grow out? I transitioned for about 4 or 5 months and decided to take a chance and cut all of my permed hair myself. Surprisingly, I felt so free! Even though my hair was super short I felt like a new me. I finally realized that this was what I wanted to do and no one was going to be able to talk me out of this. I received more compliments than I did negativity this go round and that made me feel even better about my decision. Sure enough I received a lot of strange looks and girls asking me why I wanted to go natural but I didn’t care. This was not only a hair journey for me this has become a spiritual journey. I can finally look at myself and truly be happy. I know who I am and I know who I want to be. This journey has helped me to find myself. I believe that being able to accept what God has given you without any alterations is amazing. This is why I hate when people say that going natural isn’t for everyone. It doesn’t make sense! That’s simply saying walking around with the hair your creator has blessed you with just isn’t for you. That sounds so crazy to me. If there were no combs, no perms, or anything to tame our hair with ALL black people would have dreads. I don’t knock females who love their creamy crack I just don’t think it’s the best choice for me. I won’t be going back to the creamy crack. Lol.
Have you ever found yourself numb to everything?! I mean like truly numb. That kind of numb where you’ve been through so much bullshit, so much hurt and pain that when things go wrong you just feel like fuck it and keep going. I’ve been numb for a long time, and faking smiles and laughs is really getting old to me. Sometimes we have to go out on a limb and just be happy. We don’t need to worry about failing or what people may think of us. Just be. In order to be wholeheartedly happy we have to make decisions that might alter our lives forever. Being able to try new things and make new moves is something that we have to do. No one in this world has your best interest in mind but YOU. You have to be able to stand tall, take a chance, and live life for yourself. Being numb has pushed me to my limit. I now recognize that it’s not healthy for me to live this way. I’ve had so much anger built up for so many years and so much hurt that’s caused me to fall in and out of depression. It’s nowhere near healthy for me to stay this way. God sends certain people in your life to test you, He sends you people that will push your buttons purposely just to see how you will respond and it’s up to you to give your energy to negativity or not. Our destines are determined by the type of energy we feed. If we continue to feed negativity chances are we will never be happy, BUT if we feed into positive energy and speak positive things in our lives we’ll end up living a life with peace and serenity.
My daughter is my everything and I’ll do anything in my power to make sure she is well taken care of. I can’t express the love I have for her. Becoming a mother is something I never thought I would experience but my creator had different plans. I just ask that He uses me and guides me in the correct path so that I can be the perfect example for my daughter. No excuses! I have a precious life in my hands.